The Sixth Estate

Caution: Portals

RoninKengo — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 14:08:31 -0400

Toronto got a huge dumping of snow on Saturday night. I was working at Best Buy at the time, and because of the weather it was very slow. Paper, scissors, markers and tape + boredom = hilarious wet floor sign.

For those of you unfamiliar with Portal this will make no sense, so I invite you to watch this video.

Update: I made the front page of Digg.com! Huzzah!

- Will

Weighing My Options

RoninKengo — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 16:26:30 -0500

It has been a busy few days since I finished exams on Friday.

I had intended to update the site more often, but some recent news has put a hold on that.
It turns out that Blogware; the blogging service I use, will be shutting down in early 2008. That means I'm going to have to move my site to a new blogging service... again. Argh!

Anyways, it shouldn't be too hard, it's just time consuming.

Typepad and Wordpress are at the top of my list. Any other suggestions?

Grand Theft Auto IV Trailer

RoninKengo — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 18:28:28 -0500

Spring 2008 can't get here fast enough. Now the real dilemma. Do I buy it for 360 or PS3?
I'm leaning toward PS3, hoping the superior hardware will equal a superior game. We'll see though.

- Will

Study Hard II: Study Harder

RoninKengo — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 02:58:31 -0500

Five Terrible Senior Pictures

It's easy to go back in time and look at the crazy clothes and crazy hair and get a good laugh. Plaid and mullets had their days. Crochet umbrella, fans sets and peekaboo belly dresses most likely never will.
Check out the rest of these amazingly bad high school graduation photos. 5 Terrible Senior Photos

Haha look at these jerks! They made decisions in high school that they may have regretted later in life!!!
Man those people are idiots! I especially love this one!

Bahaha check out this asshole! He probably ha... ...hey wait a second!

Proof that I wasn't always as handsome and debonair as I am today.

Iron Man Is A Drunk... But I Still Love Him.

Click the image above to see a super high resolution version.

All I can say is that I am really looking forward to the Iron Man movie coming out next year. Jon Favreau is passionate about the character. Robert Downey Jr. is perfect for Tony Stark/Iron Man: arms dealing playboy and superhero. And they got the Stan Winston Studio(the guys who brought us The Predator, Terminator and Aliens) to design and build the Iron Man suit based off the badass Adi Granov conception of the hero. This movie cannot possibly suck. You can quote me on that. Check out the trailer here.

Atlas Shrugged

I'll thankfully be finished my end of term tests very soon. When I returned home tonight I resolved myself to get any work I had to do out of the way so that I could enjoy the remainder of the evening, and tomorrow unhindered by studying. I finished my work and decided to take another trip into Rapture.

Rapture is the underwater utopia-turned-dystopia from the game BioShock. I finished the game pretty quickly on normal difficulty shortly after it was released earlier this year. I enjoyed my time in Rapture a great deal, despite the many shortcomings of the game. That's why I was so glad to hear about the patch for the game that just arrived. The patch fixes many of the shortcomings I mentioned; minor annoyances really. Fixing bugs is of course is the main function of the patch, but it will also give the player more options to increase the difficulty. Additionally new abilities are available to the player... ooh new Plasmids! I'm going to play through again on hard difficulty with the Vita-Chambers turned off.... hopefully that should provide me with more of a challenge. Check out the patch at The Cult of Rapture.

Don't get me wrong, I love BioShock. I will sing its praises to the highest tower... I just felt a little let down given the games pedigree. BioShock is after all the spiritual successor to one of my favourite games of all time(yes I know I say that about a lot of games, but I'm serious with this one); System Shock 2.

Like its predecessor, BioShock is a very psychological game. It knows how to get under the players skin; how to disturb and unsettle you. The two games are essentially identical in premise, save for their disparate setting and eras.... and that's fine. I would have played BioShock if it were a shot-for-shot remake of System Shock 2, but that doesn't get to my point.

The fact that BioShock was developed simultaneously for the PC and Xbox 360 cheapens the experience for the PC gamer. The two versions of the game are for all intents and purposes identical. They run on the same engine, play the same and the story is identical. But they shouldn't. Maybe this is just the jaded old-school PC gamer in me, but I don't think PC games should be ported to consoles. The very act of doing so restricts the potential of the PC version by kowtowing it to the limitations of the console version. To me, playing a console version of the sequel to one of the best PC games ever made would be blasphemy.

When 2kGames was showing off BioShock to the press, they did so with the Xbox 360 version of the game. BioShock was developed with the Xbox 360 in mind, and because of this the PC version ultimately feels like a direct port of its Xbox 360 counterpart. BioShock should have been a PC exclusive, a game that could have truly succeeded System Shock 2. Instead it was turned into a PC version of an Xbox 360 game... a bastardized version of what it could have been.

I'm not some ardent PC snob who despises consoles. I own a 360 and a PS3. I probably play console games more regularly than I do PC games. BioShock doesn't challenge the PC FPS player enough, it doesn't offer the variety and choice promised by the developers, and in that respect BioShock is a disappointment. All I'm saying is that when you play the PC version of BioShock, you see a game robbed of its potential in the name of mass market appeal and exclusivity deals with Microsoft and NVidia. I'm not saying that's wrong, I understand capitalism... You go where the biggest market share is. And right now that big market share is on the consoles, particularly the Xbox 360. I just wish they had developed the game for the PC and created a game that lived up to its lineage and truly kept the flame of PC gaming alive.

Does this make me a PC gaming romantic?

- Will

The Dark Knight Poster and Best Video Game Intros Ever!

RoninKengo — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 10:38:38 -0500

Christopher Nolan's follow up to Batman Begins is looking awesome. Here's the new Joker themed poster.

Watch for the full theatrical trailer on the upcoming Will Smith movie I Am Legend.

GamerHelp recently posted their Greatest Video Game Endings Of All Time, a pretty awesome list if I do say so. Well you can't do the greatest endings without making a list of the Greatest Intros of All Time!

While I agree with the list for the most part I lament some of the truly great intros that didn't make their list.
The Final Fantasy VI and XII intros are amazing, as are the intros to any of Namco's fighting titles like Tekken and Soul Calibur. Of course, there's the train intro to the original Half-Life, and I can't forget the awesome intro to Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake from 1990! Here are a few of my favourites... Come on you can't get J-Pop/Rock like that in a video game intro anymore!

Honourable mentions go to the more recent Dawn of War and of course the classic Fallout 2.

And now back to studying.

- Will

I Love The Internet

RoninKengo — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 19:08:23 -0500

Be warned if you're young or elderly, please do not google any of the horrible things I mention in the following paragraph. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Sometimes I hate the internet, and a little piece of me dies inside.
I've been traumatized enough by the cruel Mistress that is the internet... goatse, 2girls 1cup, tub girl, and all manner of sexual deviancy flung my way by others as a "joke". Rule 34 of the internet states:
If something exists, there is porn of it.

However, for every horrible thing I will never be able to unsee that the internet throws my way, something good and hilarious will bubble to the surface. Case and point this random forum gem.

You're the best internet. Thanks to fibbery of the site that shall not be named for finding this.

Martin Scorsese Shoots Hitchcock... Sort Of.

Yes it's an advertisement for wine... but it has Martin Scorsese... shooting a Hitchcock homage! Scorsese doesn't sell out for less than $50,000 an hour, so I too am sold.

Check out the mini-mockumentary and....The Key to Reserva

Man Finally Put In Charge Of Struggling Feminist Movement

WASHINGTON—After decades spent battling gender discrimination and inequality in the workplace, the feminist movement underwent a high-level shake-up last month, when 53-year-old management consultant Peter "Buck" McGowan took over as new chief of the worldwide initiative for women's rights.

Read the rest of this hilarious Onion article here. My roommate thankfully interrupted my studying by sharing this with me. But now I must return to the drudgery of cramming for exams.... this is all the procrastination I will allow myself... Internet.... Can I resist your whiles!?

- Will

Random Happenings and Chance Occurences

RoninKengo — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 17:02:59 -0500

Let the record show that alcohol-fueled philosophical debates that encompass the entirety of a night are fun and should happen more often. At some point last evening; when Guitar Hero 3 began to grow tiresome, my friends and I broke out the Dominican rum, Ouzo and vodka and started drinking. We talked about life, women, religion and politics. And as things usually go when aided by substance, the topics of religion and politics led to a philosophical debate. The debate was about whether or not Richard Dawkins, scientist, atheist and author of some renown, was an asshole; or at least whether he presented his ideas in an asshole-ish manner. Suffice to say, the argument led to discussions on the nature of thought, instinct and perception, how quantum physics and philosophy intermingle, and reason versus faith.

I'd like to think as people with philosophy and political science degrees, we tackled some very heady issues. However, it's more likely that we were only making sense to our own drunken selves and that had an outsider been present they would have had a good laugh at our expense. Drunk or not, I enjoyed myself.

Rumour: Gamespot's editorial director fired over Kane & Lynch review

Controversy is surrounding the firing of Jeff Gerstmann, the senior editor at Gamespot. Gamespot's video game reviews tell it like it is, and pull no punches...and apparently in Mr. Gerstmann's case that was the problem. It seems that CNET, Gamespot's parent company had just signed an advertising agreement with Eidos, developers and distributors of Kane & Lynch: Dead Men. The rumour is that because Gerstmann's review of Kane & Lynch gave it a less than stellar 6.0 out of a possible 10, he was fired and that Eidos pressured CNET to do so.

Gerstmann was in fact let go from Gamespot, but the exact reason is not known due to 'no comment' from all involved. If the rumoured basis for his termination is the case, it raises some issues for the entire game reviewing community. When editorial content is suppressed for business interests, then some very serious issues of integrity must be addressed. One need only look at what Gamespot's site looked like just hours ago, plastered with Kane & Lynch advertising; and notice that Gerstmann's biting video review of the game is no longer present on the site to know that something fishy is going on.

Joystiq has the rest of the developing story.

Lastly, my friend Christie has finally returned to the internet for a third and hopefully final time.
Exhausticated.com is her new venture, so check it out if you're like me and enjoy random internet hilarity.
Welcome back and godspeed ma'am.

And now for another exciting night of working at an unnamed big box electronics retailer! Friday night WOO!

- Will

Old Man In Suit!!!

RoninKengo — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 23:56:09 -0500

I know these pictures have probably been posted everywhere else a million times over already, but I wanted to post them anyway. I'm a child of the 80's, and as such Indiana Jones practically raised me; when he wasn't cracking his whip, hanging out with Asian kids or busting Nazi skulls.

It's good to finally see some decent high resolution shots of Harrison Ford back in his Indiana Jones getup. Yes, he looks old... yes, that pants waist is looking a little high... but I still think he pulls it off. It's also funny to see Shia Leboeuf in full 1950's greaser mode. I'm looking forward to the new Indy movie, I'm still on the fence about the name though... Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Well, at least it's not a prequel.

Head on over to Ain't It Cool News to see the full high resolution versions
You can actually see inside Harrison Ford's pores and wrinkles, it's kind of impressive.

- Will

The Ten Most Annoying Video Game Baddies of All Time

RoninKengo — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 17:17:30 -0500

I spent a great deal of my childhood playing video games. Probably too much of my childhood was devoted to games, but that's another story entirely. I mostly played Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis and PC games. Like anyone, I often ran out of lives, got game overs, and lost save files from time to time(thanks Evan!), but at the end of the day I was a pretty adept little gamer. I had beaten most of the games I owned by the age of 10, and counted myself as an above average video game player. In the end though, it didn't matter how inherently skilled I was at games, there were always those enemies that did everything they could to ruin my video game day.

Game design has definitely come a long way. Sometimes I wonder if game designers were trying to be dicks back in the 80's and early 90's, because good game design should not involve driving a player insane with frustration. There is a difference between challenging a player and being an absolute jerk about the level of game difficulty. In a way though, the insane difficulty, and ridiculous moments of frustration make older games endearing to me. Even if they did confound me at every turn, they will always have a special place in my heart.

As tribute to all those frustrating childhood gaming moments, I present to you my list of the ten most annoying video game baddies of all time. Not bosses mind you, just the regular run-of-the-mill enemies whose job it was to annoy the crap out of the player. Feel free to add your own.

10. The Football Player - Contra (Arcade and NES, 1988)

This delightful bastard from the NES classic Contra did little in the way of shooting at you (unlike every other enemy in Contra), but man did he run toward you! That was his basic attack, running menacingly toward you. Nothing says jungle warfare quite like a football uniform. Football Player and a bunch of his buddies just ran at you in wave after wave, often jumping off cliffs to their untimely 8-bit deaths in an a desperate attempt to kill Bill and/or Lance. Yes, poor kamikaze footballer, it was his lot in life to ruin your day by running into you.

9. Koopa Troopa - Super Mario Bros. (NES, 1985)

Coming in green or red variety, the seemingly innocuous Koopa Troopas didn't do much other than get in your way. Koopas were very easy to kill, requiring Mario or Luigi to simply stomp on their little heads(so violent when you think about it), but that wasn't what you had to worry about. It was their shells. Koopa shells could be used as a weapon by Mario, he could kick them and send them flying at high speed, useful yes, but safe? Not at all. Koopa shells bounce wildly in the opposite direction when they strike a solid object like a pipe or wall, quite often resulting in the self-inflicted and infuriating death of the player. Those shells are a menace to gamers everywhere, Shigeru Miyamoto! What were you thinking!?

8. Blue Darknut - The Legend of Zelda (NES, 1986)

As my dad and I both played through Zelda back in the late 80's, we came to realize that we hated the Blue Darknut. The armoured baddie that populated the last few dungeons in the game, the feared level 8 and level 9. They chased poor Link down, and the only way you could kill them was to hit them not once, but twice on the side or from behind. A difficult feat, when all the bastards did was run at you with their sword and shield very much pointed at you. In addition to being hard to kill, the NES couldn't handle too many of them on the screen at once, and the frame rate slowed to a crawl if more than six showed up in a given room. I always dreaded level 8 because of them. The frame rate would drop and the music would slow, as those unstoppable Darknuts closed in on poor Link..

7. Fast Zombie - Half-Life 2 (PC, 2004)

What's worse than a slow, stupid, lumbering zombie out to kill you? A smart, fast, screaming zombie that can climbing buildings and really wants to tear your face off, of course! First seen in the Ravenholme section of the Half-Life 2, these unsettling, skinless bastards come out of the proverbial woodwork and then some. They aren't terribly hard to kill, a few blasts from Gordon Freeman's trusty shotgun will dispatch them, but it's the fact that they're so agile and come at you in groups that makes them tough. When you hear that high pitched wail in the distance you know the fast zombie is headed your way.

6. Skelerang - Castlevania Series (Multiple Platforms)

Honestly, who the $%#& gives a reanimated skeleton not one, but two boomerangs?
The answer is: Dracula. What an ass.

5. Gran with Thermal Detonators - Dark Forces/Jedi Knight Series (PC, 1997)

In the Star Wars universe there is a species of alien called Gran. Gran have three eyes, and resemble bipedal goats. Hilarious you say? Yes, very hilarious, save for one thing. In the Star Wars games, these goat-bastards have a penchant for throwing thermal detonators, the Star Wars equivalent of a grenade. Gran will toss them at you no matter the circumstance or distance. Even if they kill themselves in the process the Gran will always throw a grenade your way, and barring that will attempt to use some form of alien pugilism against the player. Not too bright it would seem... clearly only a dumb ass would try to punch a guy with a lightsabre.

4. Garg - Commander Keen (PC, 1990)

The smaller green Martians that Commander Keen encountered would just push you and hop around like the one eyed idiots they were. What the player really had to watch out for their bigger, meaner cousin the Garg. These aggressive bastards would walk around minding their own business, but upon spotting the player they would charge him at tremendous speed. If the Garg connected with his tackle, this would of course instantly kill Commander Keen. The thing that made the Garg annoying, was that almost every other enemy in the game is fairly docile and didn't or couldn't actually kill Commander Keen. Upon first encountering the Garg, the player often assumes that that maybe the giant Garg is equally harmless... It is not.

3. Engineers - Command & Conquer Series (Multiple Platforms)

The Command & Conquer games feature a class called the engineer. The engineer unit has the ability to capture enemy buildings and place them under your control. An engineer rush is a battle tactic where you send as many engineers as you can into an enemy base and try to capture important buildings. Naturally, this is a fun tactic to use against the enemy, but having it done to you is particularly annoying. Even more insulting is having a computer opponent engineer rush you. Engineer rushing is the gaming equivalent of taking a dump in somebody's living room and then blaming it on their kid. It's a dick move, and because of this C&C engineers make the list.

2. Flying Cheep Cheeps - Mario Series (NES)

It really doesn't matter how adept a player is at Mario games, run into a Flying Cheep Cheep the wrong way, and it's game over. These flying fish dart across the screen; unimpeded by ground, water or geography, in a seemingly random pattern. If they hit Mario's body on any other part but his feet, damage will be inflicted. Nothing is more infuriating than nearly completing a difficult Mario level, only to be struck down a mere jump away from the end by a flying fish. Cheep Cheeps aren't particularly fearsome... It's just the arbitrary nature in which they fly toward and kill Mario that is the frustrating part.

1. Medusa Heads - Castlevania Series (Multiple Platforms)
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From the school of thought that brought you the Flying Cheep Cheep come the Medusa Heads of the Castlevania Series. First off, who knew that Medusa had multiple heads... I for one didn't. Secondly, why is it that said heads have the power of flight? God damn Dracula, quit messing with shit for your own amusement... I know it's probably your hobby, but surely you can do something more productive with your time than designing freakish monstrosities to kill the Belmont clan.

Medusa Heads have no attack, they just fly across the screen in a wavy pattern. They can frequently be found in great numbers when ascending clock towers, or platforming above bottomless pits. Normally, they were pretty easy to avoid if you were quick, but often due to the layout of the level they were unavoidable. Killing the player by knocking him off a platform with a Medusa Head is dickish game design Konami, and yet you continue to include Medusa Heads in Castlevania games! The collective gamer rage induced by these pesky heads could power a small to moderate sized space station.

- Will