The Sixth Estate

Study Hard II: Study Harder

RoninKengo — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 02:58:31 -0500

Five Terrible Senior Pictures

It's easy to go back in time and look at the crazy clothes and crazy hair and get a good laugh. Plaid and mullets had their days. Crochet umbrella, fans sets and peekaboo belly dresses most likely never will.
Check out the rest of these amazingly bad high school graduation photos. 5 Terrible Senior Photos

Haha look at these jerks! They made decisions in high school that they may have regretted later in life!!!
Man those people are idiots! I especially love this one!

Bahaha check out this asshole! He probably ha... ...hey wait a second!

Proof that I wasn't always as handsome and debonair as I am today.

Iron Man Is A Drunk... But I Still Love Him.

Click the image above to see a super high resolution version.

All I can say is that I am really looking forward to the Iron Man movie coming out next year. Jon Favreau is passionate about the character. Robert Downey Jr. is perfect for Tony Stark/Iron Man: arms dealing playboy and superhero. And they got the Stan Winston Studio(the guys who brought us The Predator, Terminator and Aliens) to design and build the Iron Man suit based off the badass Adi Granov conception of the hero. This movie cannot possibly suck. You can quote me on that. Check out the trailer here.

Atlas Shrugged

I'll thankfully be finished my end of term tests very soon. When I returned home tonight I resolved myself to get any work I had to do out of the way so that I could enjoy the remainder of the evening, and tomorrow unhindered by studying. I finished my work and decided to take another trip into Rapture.

Rapture is the underwater utopia-turned-dystopia from the game BioShock. I finished the game pretty quickly on normal difficulty shortly after it was released earlier this year. I enjoyed my time in Rapture a great deal, despite the many shortcomings of the game. That's why I was so glad to hear about the patch for the game that just arrived. The patch fixes many of the shortcomings I mentioned; minor annoyances really. Fixing bugs is of course is the main function of the patch, but it will also give the player more options to increase the difficulty. Additionally new abilities are available to the player... ooh new Plasmids! I'm going to play through again on hard difficulty with the Vita-Chambers turned off.... hopefully that should provide me with more of a challenge. Check out the patch at The Cult of Rapture.

Don't get me wrong, I love BioShock. I will sing its praises to the highest tower... I just felt a little let down given the games pedigree. BioShock is after all the spiritual successor to one of my favourite games of all time(yes I know I say that about a lot of games, but I'm serious with this one); System Shock 2.

Like its predecessor, BioShock is a very psychological game. It knows how to get under the players skin; how to disturb and unsettle you. The two games are essentially identical in premise, save for their disparate setting and eras.... and that's fine. I would have played BioShock if it were a shot-for-shot remake of System Shock 2, but that doesn't get to my point.

The fact that BioShock was developed simultaneously for the PC and Xbox 360 cheapens the experience for the PC gamer. The two versions of the game are for all intents and purposes identical. They run on the same engine, play the same and the story is identical. But they shouldn't. Maybe this is just the jaded old-school PC gamer in me, but I don't think PC games should be ported to consoles. The very act of doing so restricts the potential of the PC version by kowtowing it to the limitations of the console version. To me, playing a console version of the sequel to one of the best PC games ever made would be blasphemy.

When 2kGames was showing off BioShock to the press, they did so with the Xbox 360 version of the game. BioShock was developed with the Xbox 360 in mind, and because of this the PC version ultimately feels like a direct port of its Xbox 360 counterpart. BioShock should have been a PC exclusive, a game that could have truly succeeded System Shock 2. Instead it was turned into a PC version of an Xbox 360 game... a bastardized version of what it could have been.

I'm not some ardent PC snob who despises consoles. I own a 360 and a PS3. I probably play console games more regularly than I do PC games. BioShock doesn't challenge the PC FPS player enough, it doesn't offer the variety and choice promised by the developers, and in that respect BioShock is a disappointment. All I'm saying is that when you play the PC version of BioShock, you see a game robbed of its potential in the name of mass market appeal and exclusivity deals with Microsoft and NVidia. I'm not saying that's wrong, I understand capitalism... You go where the biggest market share is. And right now that big market share is on the consoles, particularly the Xbox 360. I just wish they had developed the game for the PC and created a game that lived up to its lineage and truly kept the flame of PC gaming alive.

Does this make me a PC gaming romantic?

- Will

The Dark Knight Poster and Best Video Game Intros Ever!

RoninKengo — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 10:38:38 -0500

Christopher Nolan's follow up to Batman Begins is looking awesome. Here's the new Joker themed poster.

Watch for the full theatrical trailer on the upcoming Will Smith movie I Am Legend.

GamerHelp recently posted their Greatest Video Game Endings Of All Time, a pretty awesome list if I do say so. Well you can't do the greatest endings without making a list of the Greatest Intros of All Time!

While I agree with the list for the most part I lament some of the truly great intros that didn't make their list.
The Final Fantasy VI and XII intros are amazing, as are the intros to any of Namco's fighting titles like Tekken and Soul Calibur. Of course, there's the train intro to the original Half-Life, and I can't forget the awesome intro to Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake from 1990! Here are a few of my favourites... Come on you can't get J-Pop/Rock like that in a video game intro anymore!

Honourable mentions go to the more recent Dawn of War and of course the classic Fallout 2.

And now back to studying.

- Will

Old Man In Suit!!!

RoninKengo — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 23:56:09 -0500

I know these pictures have probably been posted everywhere else a million times over already, but I wanted to post them anyway. I'm a child of the 80's, and as such Indiana Jones practically raised me; when he wasn't cracking his whip, hanging out with Asian kids or busting Nazi skulls.

It's good to finally see some decent high resolution shots of Harrison Ford back in his Indiana Jones getup. Yes, he looks old... yes, that pants waist is looking a little high... but I still think he pulls it off. It's also funny to see Shia Leboeuf in full 1950's greaser mode. I'm looking forward to the new Indy movie, I'm still on the fence about the name though... Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Well, at least it's not a prequel.

Head on over to Ain't It Cool News to see the full high resolution versions
You can actually see inside Harrison Ford's pores and wrinkles, it's kind of impressive.

- Will

Film Festival Preview

RoninKengo — Wed, 06 Sep 2006 23:48:21 -0400

The 2006 Toronto International Film Festival is go!

I picked up my movie tickets today, should be a decent next few weeks. The movies, the parties, mingling with celebrities and reviewers, the lineups... yes it's going to be another fun year.

Time for a rundown of the movies that I plan on seeing.

Black Book

Director Paul Verhoeven marks his return to his native Netherlands with Zwartboek(Black Book) a World War II thriller about the Dutch Resistance during the German occupation. The man who brought us such classics as Total Recall, Robocop, Basic Instinct and Showgirls is back in old form with this World War II movie. His critically acclaimed Soldier of Orange, which I have yet to see proves he has a good handle on the subject matter and the buzz is good around this movie.
Hitting up the Gala screening, so I'm looking forward to seeing Verhoeven speak and seeing the crazily hot Carice van Houten in person.

Volver

Spanish director Pedro Almodóvar is at it again. I'll be the first to admit that I'm seeing this movie just because of the director... I actually know very little about it. But hey that's what Film Festivals are for... It's fun going into a movie with no idea what to expect. I've seen enough of Almodóvar's work to know that Volver is probably going to be an above average movie, and having Penelope Cruz in it certainly doesn't hurt either.

The Host

For me the Film Festival is never complete without Midnight Madness. The awesome movies featured are usually of the horror, sci-fi, fantasy, martial arts or monster genre: The Host is of the monster genre. The South Korean film broke all box office records over there.. and honestly how can you go wrong with a giant monster that eats people? Seriously?!

Borat Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

Sacha Baron Cohen's crazy Kazakhstani reporter from the amazing "Ali G Show" gets his own movie! Mixing actual footage of Cohen in the character of Borat, accosting people all over the United States with his crazy faux-Kazakhstani investigative reporting with a brilliant social satire this movie should be a lot of fun. Especially if it's as crude and hilarious as everyone is saying.

Severance

What is sure to be another great Midnight Madness flick, Severance is an English film touted as "The Office' meets Deliverance". A company retreat in rural Hungary goes bad really fast when a group of mysterious attackers begins killing the group. Good reviews and that description sold me.

Sheitan

I'll admit I'm pretty pensive about seeing this French movie. The last French-language film I saw at Midnight Madness was Calvaire... a delightful romp in rural Belgium.... this movie sounds the same except it's set in France, with teenagers... and Satan. Satan instead of inbred country folk. Well I know it's going to be interesting to say the least.

The Fountain

Darren Aronofsky's anticipated follow-up to Requiem for a Dream is The Fountain. Weaving three stories about the search for eternal life or at least life it stars Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz. Jackman plays a 16th Century Conquistador, a Present Day Cancer Researcher and a 26th Century Astronaut... all seemingly searching for the same thing: The Fountain. Sounds interesting, no?

Renaissance

This slick looking French sci-fi movie looks amazing. Set in a dystopian Paris of the future the films creators used rotoscoping(animating over live action footage, similar to A Scanner Darkly) to give it the noir look. Many nods to Blade Runner and Fritz Lang's Metropolis are evident. I don't know much of the plot, but I'll go see it based on the visuals alone.

Those are my must see films. I know I'll be seeing more though, most likely including Macbeth, Shortbus, Pan's Labyrinth, All the King's Men and maybe Babel. We'll see.

If you've never done the film festival before, I highly recommend it. Just because you don't have tickets doesn't mean you can't go see movies... there are always Rush lines before screenings. Just take a look at the schedule and take a chance on a movie, you'll probably be pleasantly surprised. Or you can bug me for a free pass.

Ready to Roll.

- Will

Poseidon and What Not To Do While Drinking

RoninKengo — Fri, 12 May 2006 01:14:00 -0400

Poseidon and What Not To Do While Drinking

When daffodils begin to peer,
With heigh! the doxy over the dale,
Why, then comes in the sweet o' the year;
For the red blood reigns in the winter's pale.

REVIEW
Poseidon
6.5/10 STARS

Wow that was a big explosion! Hey what are your names again?

What is it with Wolfgang Petersen and water? The director has given us such ocean-based movies as Das Boot and The Perfect Storm. Now Petersen caps off his soaking-wet trilogy with Poseidon. Poseidon is a big budget remake of the 1972 Irwin Allen disaster flick The Poseidon Adventure. The story is simple. A massive cruise ship capsizes after being hit by a rogue wave and a rag-tag group of survivors must fight to escape from the overturned ship. Like all good disaster movies, Poseidon sticks to the genre conventions - cookie cutter characters, panicky idiots, little or no plot development and as much action as possible. Poseidon certainly doesn't let down in the action department, but it's hard to care about characters you hardly know.

Poseidon will most likely be a breakthrough role for Josh Lucas. Lucas plays a professional gambler traveling on the cruise ship Poseidon, trying to hustle rich people out of their money through high stakes poker. That's all you really know about the character, and then the wave hits. It's not much, but Lucas gives a good performance, the first of many for him, I'm sure. Poseidon is also a second wind of sorts for Kurt Russell and Richard Dreyfuss. Both actors have not starred in Hollywood blockbusters for several decades. They both do well with what they're given. Kurt Russell plays the heroic former firefighter and leader of the survivors. Richard Dreyfuss plays a suicidal man who finds a reason to live in helping the other survivors escape. Again, that is about as much character information as you get from the movie. Lastly, I would be loath to forget the lovely Emmy Rossum, who plays Kurt Russell's daughter in the film. She played Jake Gyllenhaal's love interest in The Day After Tomorrow, so she's no stranger to the disaster movie genre. I'd be lying if I said her cleavage in the film didn't provide a pleasant distraction from all the death and drowning.

The effects and action sequences are top notch. (I would expect no less from a movie budgeted at a rumoured $140 million dollars!) When the rogue wave capsizes the ship, it has to be one of the more impressive effects sequences ever put on film. There is really nothing to complain about in respect to the action - it's the character development that falls flat in Poseidon. If you don't know anything about a character beyond the obvious, you're not likely to care when they meet their untimely demise. Main characters drop like flies in Poseidon, and I found myself unmoved by their always gruesome fates. That being said, you're not going to see Poseidon for deep plot and character development - you're there to see a cruise ship capsize and the survivors deal with the aftermath.

If you enjoyed such original Irwin Allen disaster movies as The Poseidon Adventure and The Towering Inferno then you'll love Wolfgang Petersen's Poseidon. If you also enjoy destruction and mayhem on a cruise ship wide scale, you'll like what this movie has to offer. Petersen puts his band of survivors through hell, and it's all for your entertainment. Poseidon is most definitely an entertaining movie. Just don't expect subtle character development and an exacting plot - just a lot of water and explosions.

Moving on....

Original Unmolested Star Wars Trilogy on DVD

Star Wars purists rejoice, the Star Wars you remember from your childhood is coming to DVD. So sayeth Lucasfilm! Free of that revisionist film historian we all know as George Lucas. No more silly dance number in Jabba's palace, the return of the Nub Nub song, and Greedo getting his ass blown away FIRST by Han Solo.

Personally, I don't mind the Special Editions. I would be happy with them if they just fixed the Greedo shooting first bit. I can't have it both ways it seems. It's either the Original or Special Edition... No hybrid edition.

However, maybe some of those hybrid editions will be coming our way according to Wired News' Lore Sjoberg.

From the The Anyone-Shoots-First Edition to The All-Wampa Edition, yes we can only hope that Lucasfilm will release these versions as well.

Wired News Article.

And on the topic of Star Wars

Make sure you see this hilarious parody from the Cartoon Network show Robot Chicken.

Darth Vader phones the Emperor after the rebels destroy the Death Star. Featuring the voice talents of Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane. Genius.

So good.

Mario: Brooklyn Plumber or Marxist Revolutionary?

In an unprecedented investigative report, one man examines the hidden links between everyone's favourite obese, Italian-American plumber with a penchant for magic mushrooms and Marxist-Leninist revolutionaries bent on world domination. An interesting and disturbing read indeed.

To anyone raised in the 80�s, few names have such impact as the Super Mario Brothers do. We played their video games, watched their cartoon show, read their newsletter, bought their merchandise, ate their breakfast cereal, and even watched the piece of shit movie "The Wizard" starring the young, chubby cheeked miscreant Fred Savage because Super Mario Brothers 3 made an appearance.

But aside from the slightly racist stereotyping of Mario and Luigi as food loving, NY fat bodies with ridiculous Italian accents, was there anything really insidious behind the scenes? The staff here at Murderize.com has found something more, something�sinister�lurking behind the mustached countenances of Mario and Luigi. We don't have enough evidence to prove anything, just a sparse trail of bread crumbs to follow. And this trail begins with the game that started it all, Super Mario Bros. Beware brainwashed fools, for this stunning expose will change the way you look at your favorite Nintendo hero forever. No longer the innocent Brooklyn plumbers, it now appears Mario and Luigi are nothing more than communist puppets engineered to program, oh so subtly, Marxist ideals into our impressionable minds!

Read the full article here.

Thanks to Max for the link.

Continuing on the video game theme...

It's That Time of Year Again... E3!!!

Raiden is back... And this time with less lameness!

Yes the Electronic Entertainment Expo is back! Mini-Christmas for gamers as I like to call it. All the hottest new titles and new hardware is unveiled, and gamers drool in collective awe.

I'm most excited about Metal Gear Solid 4 for the Playstation 3. But there are so many amazing games, I just don't have time to list them all.

For all your game trailer needs and latest E3 News check out The E3 Insider and Gamespot.

Go nuts boys and girls, it's Mini-Christmas.

And finally the most ridiculous thing I have read in a long time...

Supermodel Mistakes Bus Exit Door for Bathroom Door

Truly unbelievable...

Leave it to a blonde supermodel to do exactly the kind of stuff you'd expect a blonde supermodel to do. Like mistake the bathroom door for the exit door and step off a moving bus onto a freeway at 40 mph. Russian model Tatyana Simanava did exactly that on Tuesday, and ended up smashing her arm, dislocating a shoulder, and cutting her face and head.

Get the whole story plus hilarious commentary at The Superficial.

Exams are over. Time to drink away my stress!

- Will

Till That The Weary Very Means Do Ebb

RoninKengo — Wed, 03 May 2006 07:19:00 -0400

Till That The Weary Very Means Do Ebb

Nor stony tower, nor walls of beaten brass,
Nor airless dungeon, nor strong links of iron,
Can be retentive to the strength of spirit;
But life, being weary of these worldly bars,
Never lacks power to dismiss itself.

I'm in the middle of exams right now, and thanks to my unorthodox sleeping schedule I'm up at quarter to 5 in the morning. So I figured I would use this blog for what I usually use it for : procrastination. It certainly beats reading about Philosophy and History... Well not really... But at this point it most certainly does.

While every other university in the province is finished exams, good old U of Toronto keeps us for as long as possible. I will not be finished until May 8th!!! *Shakes fist* Oh well, one down, two to go. The year went well, and I can't wait to get working this summer.

And now for the usual stuff...

Stephen Colbert At The White House Correspondents' Dinner

If you haven't seen the videos floating around the net of Stephen Colbert's performance at the White House Correspondents' Dinner over the weekend be sure to check them out. Stephen Colbert has balls of steel! His scathing "roast" of George W. Bush that he delivered mere feet away from the man... Looking him in the eyes on several occasions... was truly incredible. The audience at the gala sat in stunned silence and awkward laughter for nearly 30 minutes as Colbert verbally lambasted Bush and pointed out all the administration's failures and shortcomings. The truth certainly hurts, because Dubya looked very pissed.

Watch the video

Hell, I actually kind of felt bad for Bush.

One site even has a brutal frame by frame analysis of Dubya's reaction to Colbert's jabs... Painful to look at...

For all the reaction to the video check out this interesting Washington Post article.

Canadian Music Artists Take A Stand

A group of Canadian music artists have come together to form the Canadian Music Creators Coalition. The group is dedicated to reforming copyright laws, and wrestling control of their music in the face of new technologies for distribution.
It's very cool what they're trying to do.

We are a growing coalition of Canadian music creators who share the common goal of having our voices heard about the laws and policies that affect our livelihoods. We are the people who actually create Canadian music. Without us, there would be no music for copyright laws to protect.

Until now, a group of multinational record labels has done most of the talking about what Canadian artists need out of copyright. Record companies and music publishers are not our enemies, but let's be clear: lobbyists for major labels are looking out for their shareholders, and seldom speak for Canadian artists. Legislative proposals that would facilitate lawsuits against our fans or increase the labels control over the enjoyment of music are made not in our names, but on behalf of the labels' foreign parent companies.

See the CMCC's entire mission statement here.

And on the subject of music...

Video Games Live : Metal Gear in Concert

Tommy Tallarico, host of Electric Playground and noted video game sound and music designer has put together a series of concerts that showcase the very best of video game music. Video Games Live is a pretty cool idea, and the concerts seem right up your alley if you enjoy music from games.

What is Video Games Live?

An immersive concert event featuring music from the world's most popular video games performed by a live orchestra and choir combined with synchronized lighting, video, performers, and more!

Video Games Live will feature the best music and video clips from the most popular games from the beginning of video gaming to the present. Games include:

Mario, Zelda, Halo, Metal Gear Solid, Warcraft, Myst, Final Fantasy, God of War, Kingdom Hearts, Castlevania, Medal of Honor, Sonic, Tron, Tomb Raider, Advent Rising, Headhunter, Beyond Good & Evil, Splinter Cell, Ghost Recon, Rainbow Six, EverQuest II and a special retro Classic Arcade Medley featuring over 20+ games from Pong to Donkey Kong including such classics as Dragon's Lair, Tetris, Frogger, Gauntlet, Space Invaders & Outrun!

Here's a sample of Video Games Live, performing a medley from the Metal Gear Solid series of games. Very cool.

Metal Gear Solid in Concert!

Thanks to Amer for the MGS link.

And now we segue from music to games... See how I did that?

Hilarious Kung Fu Game

To promote the release of the new Family Guy and American Dad DVD's, FOX has created this surprisingly fun Flash fighting game. If you enjoy either show, you'll get definitely get a kick out of it. If you don't like either show... it probably won't float your boat. Don't say I didn't warn you.

American Dad versus Family Guy : Kung Fu

Thanks to Christie for the link.

'Cool' HTML Game

An intrepid website creator has created a game called The Wicked, it's an HTML based detective game. Clues are hidden in the code, and elsewhere... Very cool... or at least as cool as an HTML Detective game can be. Entertaining none the less.

Check out The Wicked HTML Game

Thanks to Johnny for the link.

And now a few new trailers to close it out.

Superman Returns Trailer

The full length trailer for this summers Superman Returns came out yesterday. The Bryan Singer directed movie cost a reported $180 million dollars to make. Hopefully, it will do well and recoup that cost... which I'm sure it will. I'm just eager to see Kevin Spacey ham it up as Lex Luthor. Also the action should be spectacular thanks to the leaps made in special effects since the original movies. Plus Marlon Brando will be back as Jor El... Can't go wrong with Brando!

Go check it out. Superman Returns Trailer

Casino Royale Teaser

Casino Royale is the much anticipated new James Bond film, featuring new Bond, Daniel Craig. I must say the teaser impressed me. They seem to be going for the more hard edged, more realistic Bond from the original Ian Fleming novels. Three cheers for an unrequited bad ass James Bond!

See it here.

Now it's time for a little something I like to call sleep.

- Will

Merry Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan, and/or Festivus!

RoninKengo — Tue, 27 Dec 2005 06:38:00 -0500

Merry Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan, and/or Festivus!

Doubt thou the stars are fire;
Doubt that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt I love.

Phew... Exams are over, thank goodness. Christmas break is upon us, and it is a good thing. Aside from having a cold, which I seem to get every year around this time, I have no complaints. I got a good haul of gifts for Christmas, and I gave a lot of gifts that were well received... Except for the book I got my Dad which he had already read. DOH! And the food hasn't been too bad either. Christmas dinner at the grandparents condo was awesome!

I like having time off from school. Weekday morning television; a phenomenon which I have been unaware of for the past several years, because I've either been at school or been soundly asleep, is pretty entertaining. The other day I watched 2 episodes of Maury Povich in a row! Jealous?!

On the topic of Maury Povich, it seems that he only has one topic for his show these days: Paternity Tests!

"My next guest has been on the show 9 times, and tested 20 different men, none of whom turned out to be the father."

Of course the poor woman comes on the show to test yet another man and the answer is always the same
"*INSERT NAME HERE*, You are NOT the father!"

Truly, very sad. But it's not like some of these women didn't have it coming. If you were so promiscuous that out of the 20 men you think you slept with in a few week period, none of them turn out to be the father... You really shouldn't have kids.

On the subject of illegitimate children and Christmas, I-Mockery.com presents :
More Than You Ever Wanted To Know About The Atrocity That Was THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL!

Chewbacca's horrifying father Lumpy.

Han Solo looks like he desperately wants to be elsewhere, Luke Skywalker looks like a teenage girl and Princess Leia sings at the end of the much maligned (and with good reason) holiday special. The first 15 minutes feature nothing but dialogue in Wookie between members of Chewbacca's family, and to make matters worse Bea Arthur shows up! BEA ARTHUR! Even the first appearance of everybody's favourite bounty hunter Boba Fett couldn't save this train wreck. I would say it's almost worth it just to say you've seen it... But there are some things you just can't UN-SEE! Read the article at I-Mockery and thank Buddha you don't have to watch it. Check it out here.

Back and to the right...

And on the subject of Star Wars... Someone put far too much time, thought and effort into this Greedo Assassination Theory website. Did Greedo shoot first or was Han just that damn good?

New Favourite Movie

The Third Man is an amazing 1949 film. Directed by Carol Reed and starring Orson Welles, the movie is a classic example of Film Noir. Set in post-war Vienna, the film finds American pulp writer Holly Martins(Joseph Cotten) fresh off the train looking for his friend Harry Lime, who has offered him a job. Martins soon discovers that his friend was recently killed in a mysterious car accident, and sets out to discover what really happened to his friend. In the end Martins discovers more than he ever wanted or should have known.

The Third Man is really just a top notch film, I can't recommend it enough.

I also decided to have a little fun in photoshop after watching this movie.

Photoshop Skills + Film Geekness + Borderline Narcissism = This picture.

Hey, you can't blame a guy for wishing he was in a classic film noir movie.
Photoshop is a hell of a tool, but I'm still no Orson Welles.

Stalin's Half-man, Half-ape Super-warriors

GIVE ME SUPER MONKEYS!

Soviet dictator Josef Stalin ordered the creation of Planet of the Apes-style warriors by crossing humans with apes, according to recently uncovered secret documents.

Moscow archives show that in the mid-1920s Russia's top animal breeding scientist, Ilya Ivanov, was ordered to turn his skills from horse and animal work to the quest for a super-warrior.

I'm really not surprised about anything concerning the former USSR that I hear coming out of Russia these days... Oh those crazy Commies, gotta love 'em.
Read the full article here.

Now I want a half-man, half-ape super warrior! Stupid ethics.

Crazy cool music video.

The artist, Jason Forrest has a very unique sound. Don't really know what genre it would be considered. I've never heard this guy before, but the music video is very cool. Basically, it's a bunch of animated Vikings having a musical battle with Furry Monster types involving ships and giant robots. Words really cannot do it justice, so check it out the video for War Photographer.

The Ultimate Showdown

This is an incredible flash movie detailing a battle of epic proportions. Pitting Optimus Prime, Batman, Godzilla, The Power Rangers, Darth Vader, Gandalf, Captain Kirk, Mister Rogers, Chuck Norris and many, many more against one another in a battle for ultimate power. Awesome!

Check out The Ultimate Showdown!

Good tidings to you and your kin.

- Will

A Tear For Spock and Kong

RoninKengo — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 04:06:00 -0500

A Tear For Spock and Kong

Oft have I heard that grief softens the mind,
And makes it fearful and degenerate;
Think therefore on revenge and cease to weep.

I just got back from seeing Peter Jackson's King Kong. I still haven't seen the original, but I was damn impressed by the movie. It was so well put together... acting, directing, writing, CGI - All great. I loved it, but it's a very sad movie. I will admit I shed a few tears at the end. A rarity for me, not since Spock's death in The Wrath of Khan has that happened. I highly recommend King Kong--It is what great film making is all about. Nicely done Peter Jackson.

Top Ten Most Memorable Moments in Comic Book Villainy.

"This is even more painful than it looks!"

To cap off IGN's Villain Month they have compiled a list of the most deliciously evil events in comic book history. From Bane breaking Batman's back, to Magneto ripping the adamantium out of Wolverine they've covered all the major evil acts. But where is Aquaman's entry? Surely introducing that character in the first place should count as the single most evil act in the history of comics. God damn Aquaman!
Worst. Superhero. Ever. Check out the full list here.

What the hell does IGN stand for anyways?

And from the "Not Meant For Mortal Eyes" files comes this image.

I don't know what the hell is going on in this picture, but it is most definitely wrong on many levels. I'm pretty sure Goldie Hawn is melting. Meg Ryan is also looking more plastic by the day. Here we have a lesson in Hollywood attitudes. Goldie Hawn chose to age gracefully, and ended up looking like the Gestapo guy melting at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Meg Ryan on the other hand is going the Joan Rivers route, soon the unrecognizable piece of flesh, bone and muscle she calls a face will be yelling at celebrities on the red carpet. Watch out Joan!

Daniel Radcliffe is SO busted!

For the love of god Daniel she's only 15!

Though I suppose he's about 15 years old as well, so it's not odd behaviour. However, young Mr. Potter is going to have take his attention away from Hermoine's chest long enough to learn a few things.
When it comes to cleavage, Jerry Seinfeld said it best,
"Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun -- ya don't stare at it!"
Oh those hormone fueled teenagers, when will they learn?

Pachelbel's Canon in ROCK!

Everyone loves a long over-blown guitar solo. Jimmy Page in Stairway to Heaven. Eric Clapton in Crossroads. Jimi Hendrix! However, these gentlemen only covered rock and roll tunes, they steered clear of classical.

Jerry L is different.

He rocks out to Johann Pachelbel's 17th century classic Canon in D. If you know the tune you're in for a treat, and if you don't you'll probably recognize it anyways.

Take it away JerryL! Canon Rock.

Finally for all you social alcoholic Family Guy fans out there here's a fun little drinking game you can play this Holiday Season!
Family Guy Drinking Game.

So from me and The Juice have a safe and Happy Holiday Season!

At least he's not holding a giant carving knife.

May your pint glass overflow with beer.

- Will

Reginald VelJohnson is Gay?!

RoninKengo — Sun, 11 Dec 2005 18:44:00 -0500

Reginald VelJohnson is Gay?!

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.

Every generation has movies which they consider their own. As a child of the 1980's there are a select few films that defined my childhood. Ghostbusters, Transformers : The Movie, Labyrinth, Star Wars, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Goonies, The Neverending Story, etc. One of these definitive 80's films was probably the most influential movie for future gamers: The Wizard.

For those of you unfamiliar with The Wizard you don't know what you're missing! It is widely considered to be nothing more than a 90 minute commercial for Nintendo... However would Fred "Wonder Years/The Mole" Savage star in a commercial?! NEVER!

Basically, Fred Savage and his disabled, video game savant brother and some girl run away from home to compete in the Video Game World Championship. Only the evil Lucas Bartow with his amazing POWERGLOVE stand in their way! Let me tell you folks... NOT IF FRED SAVAGE HAS ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT!

Check out this ridiculous clip in which Lucas Bartow demonstrates his POWERGLOVE skills.

And from the "You Can't Make This Shit Up Files" come these pictures and story.

JIM CARREY RUN OVER BY STEPHEN HAWKING

From ContactMusic:

Actor Jim Carrey was left howling in agony after genius Stephen Hawking reversed over his foot with his wheelchair.

The unlikely pair made friends when they appeared together on an American talk show, and Carrey visited Hawking in Cambridge, Britain, recently. The highly-paid star joined the physics prodigy and some friends and colleagues for a stimulating dinner.

Later that evening, as they chatted on the patio, Hawking, 61 - who suffers from motor neuron disease - ran over Carrey's foot.

The professor's secretary Karen Sime says, "We've all had our feet run over by the professor. You quickly learn to jump out the way!"

I can honestly say I never thought I would write a sentence involving Jim Carrey and Stephen Hawking. You live and learn.

Mysteries under Moscow.

I watched a very interesting Russian documentary this afternoon about the mysterious underground of Moscow. A labyrinthine collection of tunnels, sub-basements, bunkers and sewers that a team of Muscovites recently started exploring and mapping. Home to hobos, criminals, dissidents and impoverished people the Moscow underground has an incredible history to tell about a very historic city.

What is hidden under Moscow?

This question has intrigued Vadim Mikhailov since he was a child in the early 1970s, when his father, who drove a train in the Moscow subway, first gave him a ride in the driver's cabin and showed him the network of Metro tunnels beneath the Russian capital. By the time he was 12, Mikhailov and his friends had begun making increasingly ambitious journeys beneath the city.

Discoveries began with the first expeditions. Through manholes and building basements the boys wriggled into labyrinths under the Russian capital. First, they explored the bomb shelters under Leningradsky Prospekt, then they came across an Academy of Oceanology warehouse. "Imagine walking along endless corridors," recalls Mikhailov, "something dripping from the ceiling, the uneven light of torches. And all of sudden you find yourself in a room full of tanks of formalin, containing various sea monsters."

They soon went deeper underground. According to Mikhailov there are about six levels under Moscow, and in some places as many as 12, including old sewer systems, fountain foundations, and sloping drainage tunnels entangled in the depths.

As they grew up, the explorers took their investigations more seriously, drawing maps of their routes, studying history books, and talking to elderly Muscovites about past uses of the underground. Their explorations of deserted shafts and water mains built during the reign of Catherine the Great in the eighteenth century sparked a greater interest and enthusiasm for further expeditions.

"Ten to 15 years later we realized that we had investigated the entire level closest to the surface, comprising municipal public service tunnels. It was time to go down to deeper floors," recounts Mikhailov. In 1990, the underworld travelers formed a group called "Diggers of the Underground Planet," whose aim was to study the historical, ecological, and social aspects of the Moscow underground.

Check out the entire article over at The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists

I will try to upload the documentary at some point. Incredibly interesting and creepy.

Da svi`daniya

- Will

Random News and Hilarity : Because It Beats Studying for Exams

RoninKengo — Fri, 02 Dec 2005 18:57:00 -0500

Random News and Hilarity : Because It Beats Studying for Exams

By heaven, methinks it were an easy leap
To pluck bright honour from the pale-faced moon,
Or dive into the bottom of the deep,
Where fathom-line could never touch the ground,
And pluck up drowned honour by the locks.

I figured I would lighten the tone of this post, seeing how my last post was a dry, witless analysis of a political campaign. God forbid I actually incite intelligent discussion of the issues. Plus I have better things to do, but I don't want to do them. My exams start up next week, but I'd rather do this than read about the rise and fall of Communism in Russia. And we're off.

Newsflash : Geeks want to play Star Trek Online RPG!

Look Daddy! A virgin!

A recent market study by Nielson Media Research found that 69% of Massively Multiplayer Online Role Players surveyed would be interested in playing the Star Trek MMORPG currently in development. The study also found that 59% of Star Trek fans surveyed also showed interest in playing the game. Now I enjoy Star Trek as much as the next man... I'm not a fanatic, but I do have more interest in the series than the casual fan. That being said, I also would potentially like to try this game. I just don't know if a game like this is a good idea though. I mean do we want to add MMORPG addiction to the already myriad social dysfunctions hardcore Trekkies already suffer from? Just my two cents, but don't say I didn't warn you people when poopsocking reaches epidemic levels. Check out the full aforementioned survey here.

And on the topic of RPG's those wacky Japanese gentlemen over at Square Enix have some wonderful news for us all. They have unveiled a clever drink tie-in to coincide with the release of Final Fantasy XII in March 2006 -- Potion. An energy drink.

If it worked for Sabin and Cloud, it will work for me.

"The drink supposedly makes you relaxed like herb tea and tastes mystical. It contains nutritional supplements so that the company can claim that the drinker might recover real life hit points." - Gamebrink.com

I'm interested to see what exactly "mystical" tastes like, in any event it probably will not be available in North America. I guess I'll just have to settle for Pepsi brand Antidote.

Over at The Log of the Gamer, I discuss the Brutal Side of 8-Bit Gaming. Video game violence is not a new phenomenon, it's just more realistic now.

And now news from the real world.

In Soviet Russia Squirrels Eat You!

Anyone who has lived in Ontario knows that black squirrels are a menace to society. Anyone visiting Ontario is always shocked by the tremendous size of these terrible creatures. However, Ontario black squirrels are apparently quite tame in comparison to their Russian brothers. Last week in Eastern Russia, a pack of squirrels attacked a stray dog that had been barking at them, and subsequently bit the poor thing to death. First of all, a PACK of squirrels? Russia must be an even crazier place than I was led to believe. I mean, first Boris Yeltsin and now this?! What a country!
The BBC has the story well covered over on their website. Remind me never to bark at squirrels if I'm ever visiting Russia.

'Lost' Girls are DUI!

Two stars of my current favourite show LOST were arrested for Driving Under the Influence. Michelle Rodriguez and Cythia Watros were arrested in two separate DUI incidents on the same night. I guess they had beer in the tail section of the plane.
The Smoking Gun is there!

And now for some movie news.

Everybody's favourite hapless, hack of a director Dr. Uwe Boll is back at it again. This time he's ruining a perfectly good video game(Dungeon Siege) by adapting it into a blatant Lord of the Rings rip off. In the Name of the King : A Dungeon Siege Tale stars Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Burt Reynolds, John Rhys-Davies, Lee Sobieski and last and certainly least the stunning thespian talents of Matthew Lillard in his first non-Freddie Prinze Jr. movie role.

Now if the poster doesn't convince you that this is going to be one of the worst movies ever made, perhaps this stunningly awful trailer will. Dr. Boll has been kind enough to split his masterpiece into two 100 minute parts! The sad thing is, Boll is using the same fight choreographer that did Hero and House of Flying daggers, plus he has an incredible physical performer like Jason Statham... And the movie still somehow manages to look like shit. I would like to wait and see, to give this movie a chance... But given good Uwe's track record : House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, Bloodrayne, I'm not getting my hopes up.

No Uwe... Thumbs down.

And that as we say is that.

- Will

Back from the East and Film Fest Rundown

RoninKengo — Wed, 07 Sep 2005 13:16:00 -0400

Back from the East and Film Fest Rundown

Weary with toil, I haste me to my bed
The dear repose for limbs with travel tired;
But then begins a journey in my head
To work my mind, when body's work's expir'd.

Town Clock be damned! It'll always be the Ice Cream Clock to me.

I'm back from Halifax and with one week to go before school I'm living the life of Riley. I'm doing as little as possible until school/film fest starts. As for the trip, we stopped in Quebec City on the drive down, and made the drive back in 16 hours! So you can understand why that would make a person not want to do anything for a while.

Halifax is a great town for a person in their early twenties. There are 5 major universities in or within an hour of the city. As a result the town has a lot of bars. I'd be lying if I said I didn't drink much while I was there... And I'd be telling you the truth if I said I spent most of my waking hours imbibing alcohol of some kind. A good way to end the summer.

The banner that sums up my current mind set.

In the nearly 10 years since I've been back in Toronto there is one thing above all else that I've really , really missed about Halifax. The greatest culinary invention of all time : The Donair.

As disgusting as that looks, you have no idea how damn good it is.

What the hell is a donair? Not to be confused with the doner kebab, A donair is a lot like a gyro, but it is far superior. Wikipedia has this to say about the donair.

A variation on the doner kebab known as a Donair was introduced in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada in the early 1970s. A restaurant called The King Of Donair claims to have been the first to serve this version in 1973. The meat in this version is sliced from a loaf made from a combination of ground beef, flour or bread crumbs, and various spices, while the sauce is made from evaporated milk, sugar, vinegar, and sometimes garlic. The meat and sauce are served rolled in pita bread with condiments such as tomato and onion. This version of the donair is very popular in the Eastern provinces of Canada, with many fast food pizza restaurants also featuring donairs on the menu. Many of them also offer a donair pizza featuring all of the donair ingredients served on a pizza crust.

Sadly, there is only one place(that I know of) in Toronto to find real Maritime donairs, and it's sub-par at best. But if you want to try one there is a Greco Express on Adelaide Street across the street from the North side of First Canadian Place in downtown Toronto. Nothing beats the real thing though.

Donairs aside, the trip was great. Saw family and friends who I hadn't seen in a long time, I hope I can get down there again soon.

Now onto the film festival.

I only get up at 4:30 am for two reasons. One, If I'm going on a trip somewhere and have to get an early start, or two it's time to buy Toronto Film Festival Tickets!

Yesterday was the latter. 4:30 am is truly an ungodly hour. If you went to sleep at midnight... waking up has fun times written all over it. I actually arrived at the Main Street subway station before it was even open and had to wait around for 30 minutes. When I finally did get down to the Manulife Centre at about 6 am, there were already about 50 people in line ahead of me. Now normally everything goes smoothly at this point... the box office opens at 7 am and people buy their tickets. I've done this 4 years in a row now, but this day wouldn't be the same.

I guess the genius who came up with online ticket sales decided that putting everything related to buying tickets on one system would be a good idea. This meant that at 7 am on September 7th, one computer system would be charged with taking Phone orders, online orders and in person box office sales all at once. Long story short, the network didn't have enough bandwidth and I didn't get my tickets until nearly 9 o'clock.

My unlucky friends who decided to buy tickets online, were forced to go downtown later in the day because the official Toronto Film Festival website went down because of the web traffic. What is worse is that because of this fuck up they weren't able to get tickets for some of the shows they wanted, and I'm sure they weren't the only ones. So next year Toronto Film Festival people..Pleasese get your act together. I got my tickets though, so my early start was not in vain.

Here is a collage of the ticket excitement!

So far I have tickets to :

Banlieue 13
Harsh Times
Seven Swords
Sympathy for Lady Vengeance
Walk the Line
The Notorious Bettie Page
SPL

With the help of some procured press passes I'll also be seeing press screenings of :

A History of Violence
Where the Truth Lies
Revolver

These are my pics, the bad thing about film festivals though is that for every great movie you see you're going to miss about 3 other great ones. There is just too little time and too many movies, and with school starting next week time will be at a premium.

I plan to review every movie I see both here and over at Empire Movies so check back for updates in the coming 2 weeks.

Now to do a whole lot of nothing.

- Will

The Skeleton Key and The NHL Forecast

RoninKengo — Thu, 11 Aug 2005 22:37:00 -0400

The Skeleton Key and The NHL Forecast

And thus I clothe my naked villany
With odd old ends stol'n forth of Holy Writ,
And seem a saint when most I play the devil.

REVIEW
The Skeleton Key
4/10 STARS

The Skeleton Key is yet another film in a long line of sub par horror/thriller films we've seen in the past few years. Kate Hudson stars as Caroline, a disenchanted New Orleans hospice worker. Looking for a change of pace, Caroline takes a job at a rural Louisiana estate caring for Ben Devereaux (John Hurt). Ben has been left totally paralyzed and unable to speak after an apparent stroke. Ben's wife Violet (Gena Rowlands) is a shrewd, old fashioned southern woman, who is suspicious of Caroline right from the get go. Violet gives Caroline a skeleton key that will open almost every door in the stately Louisiana home, except one. When Caroline is not caring for Ben she spends most of her time exploring the massive house, and in the attic she discovers one door her key won't open. After forcing her way into the mysterious room, she is shocked to discover bones, spell books, and other instruments for practicing Hoodoo. Hoodoo is a mysterious southern art used for protection and healing. Caroline questions Violet about the room, and learns that it belonged to the servants of the previous owners of the home. The servants, Papa Justify(Ronald McCall) and Mama Cecile(Jeryl Prescott) were brutally lynched and killed in the 1920's when it was discovered they were practicing Hoodoo. Sensing that the dead servants, the mysterious room in the attic and Ben's condition are somehow related Caroline sets out to unlock the mysteries the house holds.

Considering the acting talent in this movie, the film is a big let down. John Hurt is an excellent actor and does good work here, but Peter Sarsgaard who is also an excellent actor, feels very under used in this movie. To me The Skeleton Key was just a lot of wasted potential. It had an interesting enough premise, but just failed to deliver in nearly every way. Rather than trying something new, the movie sticks to formula, predictable plot devices and scare moments can be seen coming a mile away. Of course the movie wouldn't be a formula thriller if it did not have an amazing twist at the ending, and it naturally it does have a twist. However, when the so -called twist was finally revealed there was a tangible feeling of disappointment in the theatre. The movie desperately wants to be better than it is, and it shows.

What struck me as odd was that Kate Hudson's character became instantly suspicious about the house. She's supposed to be a college drop-out and yet she acts more like a private investigator in the movie. Perhaps the only redeeming factor of The Skeleton Key is that Kate is scantily clad in nearly every scene she's in, running around the house in her underwear, randomly taking showers and the like. I'm not complaining, but it struck me as a little gratuitous at times. I wanted the movie to be good, I really did... But it was so bland and predictable that I couldn't enjoy it. For example, in one scene Caroline stops at run down gas station on her way to the mansion and you just knew that some jittery local was going to come out and warn her about that haunted Devereaux place. I found myself able to tell exactly what was going to happen next. A good movie in this genre should keep you guessing, and The Skeleton Key keeps no secrets from the audience.

Have you seen a horror/thriller movie in the past 5 years? If the answer is yes, then you've already seen The Skeleton Key, nothing new to see here. In fact you've seen it done better in movies like The Sixth Sense and The Gift. I didn't know what to expect from this movie, but having seen it I can say I was soundly underwhelmed.

And now on to more pertinent matters: The NHL!

I was discussing which teams looked like they were in the best shape for a Stanley Cup run this year with some people earlier. The consensus is that The Philadelphia Flyers and the Ottawa Senators are in the best position at present. Certainly getting Peter Forsberg in and Jeremey Roenick out is a good move for the Flyers, personally I can't stand Roenick as a person, but he is a hell of a player... Forsberg just happens to be better. And as much as I dislike Philly, I agree with people that they are sitting pretty for a Stanley Cup shot.

Other teams in good shape seem to be Pittsburgh, with the next one : Sidney Crosby, Lemieux and others on board they're in a good spot these days. The Calgary Flames have retained almost all their pre-lockout players and have added Tony Amonte and Darren McCarty. Watch out for the Flames

As for Ottawa, I don't care what people say. The Leafs will destroy them in the playoffs yet again, Hasek be damned. What is best in life? Conan the Barbarian put it best, "To crush your enemies, see them driven before you and to hear the lamentation of their women." So will it be with the Senators come playoff time, when the Leafs crush them... again!

The Toronto Maple Leafs seem to be in an interesting spot. Gone are Roberts, Nieuwendyk, Leetch, Mogilny and Nolan... these guys were practically all my favourites on the Leafs. But we did pick up Eric Lindros, Jeff O'Neill and Jason Allison, a younger batch but all seasoned vets in their own right. I don't know what will happen until they start playing. They have a solid line up and have kept some of the key guys like Sundin, McCabe, Domi, Kaberle and Belfour and added some new faces. Should be a good one.

Pumped

- Will

Come Back Clint!

RoninKengo — Fri, 22 Jul 2005 00:04:00 -0400

Come Back Clint!

"Are you gonna pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?" - Josey Wales

I was by no means raised watching Clint Eastwood movies, but I certainly saw my fair share of them growing up. The first of his films I saw was The Eiger Sanction, Clint plays a part-time assassin/university professor, pretty good movie. Later I graduated to Sergio Leone's quintessential spaghetti western, The Good, The Bad and The Ugly and was suitably impressed as any 14 year old would be. Shortly thereafter I caught part of Dirty Harry, with a tagline like

"You don't assign him to murder cases, You just turn him loose!",

How could you go wrong? Good old Clint was the biggest badass I'd ever seen in movies, Every character more hardcore and cool than the one that preceded it,

For me, Unforgiven solidified my impression that Clint Eastwood kicked ass, but then something happened, I became aware of a little movie called The Bridges of Madison County.

What happened Clint?!

Now I've never seen the film myself, but the movie's reputation as a chick flick precedes it. Clint wasn't shooting anyone... Well not with a gun at least. He played a photographer who falls in love with a house wife played by Meryl Streep. WTF!? Eastwood goes a whole 2 hours without shooting, punching or chasing anyone! Something was seriously wrong here.

Maybe he was just trying play something different for a change, but lets be honest Clint, she's a good actress but you can do better than Meryl Streep.

It seems that the older Clint gets the less badass his characters are. Clint now usually plays retired badasses, washed up badasses, or over-the-hill badasses... Who come out of retirement for one more big show!

Take a look at the roles he's played the last 15 years.

Unforgiven - Retired Old West gunslinger
In the Line of Fire - Veteran Secret Service Agent
A Perfect World - Grizzled Veteran U.S. Marshall
Absolute Power - Retired Professional Thief
True Crime - Over-the-hill Journalist
Space Cowboys - Retired/Washed-Out Astronaut
Blood Work - Retired FBI Profiler
Million Dollar Baby - Washed up Boxing Trainer

All these characters he's played have two things in common: They're all retired or on the verge of retiring and end up returning to whatever their respective profession was for one last shot.

He's still a badass in these movies... Just an old one... Who can't do much in the way of ass kicking, shooting, blowing shit up. But he still acts like he could kick your ass, and that's what counts.

Yes a kinder, gentler Clint is on the way. A career of being type cast as a badass has lead to a career of being type cast (By himself) as retired badass. He's going to be making another Bridges of Madison County-esque movie soon... I can feel it. I am convinced that Clint's final movie will just be two hours of him bawling into his fists wishing for the glory days, regretting the fact that he's now too old to even lift the .44 magnum; the most powerful handgun in the world that could blow your head clean off. And that my friends will truly be a sad day.

The most powerful bouquet of flowers in the world that couldn't blow your head clean off... But they smell nice.

But never fear, video games to the rescue! 'Dirty' Harry Callahan of the much vaunted Dirty Harry movies will be returning in video game form some time next year, with none other than Mr. Eastwood reprising his role. Once more a vintage Clint Eastwood will be cleaning up the streets of San Francisco, should be good.

If you need an education in Eastwood just check out any of the movies I mentioned, but avoid Bridges of Madison County unless you are a middle-aged housewife... If that's the case, go nuts.

Bring back Old School Eastwood! ... Somehow.

- Will

House of Wax and Eating pizza in the dark.

RoninKengo — Fri, 06 May 2005 19:57:00 -0400

House of Wax and Eating pizza in the dark.

You may as well say,
that 's a valiant flea that dare eat his breakfast on the lip of a lion.

I was very pleased to discover yesterday that I ended up with a very solid GPA now that school is over. 76% just over 3.0. Thumbs up I say, I'll take it.

Bring it!

A little under 2 weeks to go until Revenge of the Sith hits theatres, and already the reviews are pouring in; the majority positive, a great relief indeed. I know two people who saw it yesterday and say it is quite probably one of the best in the whole saga, second only to The Empire Strikes Back. And you know, seeing tv spots like this only get me more excited about the film. Episode 3 in all its PG-13 goodness is just around the corner!

And now for a movie that puts the crap in craptacular, House of Wax.

House of Wax
3/10 STARS

You'd be scared too if you were in House of Wax.

House of Wax bears more of a resemblance to classic 80's teen slasher flicks than the original Vincent Price film. If the filmmakers had intended to make a generic slasher flick, then they most definitely succeeded. The movie takes a very standard if overused approach to the horror genre; take a group of hapless, sex crazed teens and pit them against of psychopath of some kind. A group of teens on a road trip to the biggest college football game of the year, decide to take an ill fated short cut through rural Louisiana. Naturally, car troubles force the group to camp out on the outskirts of a mysterious small town. While the rest of the group waits at the camp site, Carly (Elisha Cuthbert) and her boyfriend Wade (Jared Padalecki) head into town to find the local mechanic, Bo (Brian Van Holt). The town it seems is best known for its world famous House of Wax, predictably Carly and Wade decide to snoop around the creepy House despite the sign saying that it is closed. If there is one thing protagonists in a horror film should not do it is tread on a psychos' property. What follows is a predictable kill fest in which many of the teens are systematically stalked and killed in various, mildly amusing ways.

What can I say about this movie that I liked? Not a lot. Elisha Cuthbert and Paris Hilton looked extremely good throughout the film, up to and including Paris's much talked about death scene. Cuthbert for me was the highlight of the movie. In the tradition of the horror genre she gives a strong Jamie Lee Curtis-esque performance, lots of scantily clad running around and screaming. The rest of the cast is just so-so; you don't care enough about them, so when the killer finally catches up with them you'll find yourself quite under whelmed. The movie does have a few standout parts, but they aren't enough to make you forget how mediocre the rest of the film is. One involves a finger and a pair of wire cutters, and the other is the climax when the House of Wax melts. The latter sequence was extremely well executed, but can't make up for the rest of the films shortcomings.

Paris Hilton is not an actress, and it shows. She plays Paige, a non-wealthy version of herself and fairs about as well against a knife wielding maniac as you'd expect her to. A good horror movie makes you care about the characters, so that when they meet their untimely end you actually give a crap. House of Wax does not succeed in this respect; in fact you welcome the deaths of the many throwaway characters in the film. Scare moments in the movie are way too predictable and are overused. I could go on for paragraphs about the myriad other problems House of Wax suffers from, but I'd be wasting my time and yours.

If you're in the mood for a mindless slasher movie this weekend go see House of Wax. The movie takes a tired, overused formula and brings nothing new to the genre. The girls are hot, but that is about all the movie has going for itself. Perhaps a more apt title for House of Wax would be Beautiful People are Slaughtered by Knife Wielding Maniacs. Sure, Paris Hilton with a pole through her head is funny; it's just not worth your ten dollars.

That's my cue to exit.

- Will

Montreal Pics and Kontroll Review

RoninKengo — Fri, 01 Apr 2005 23:14:00 -0500

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise; Seek what they sought.
-Matsuo Basho

LINK OF THE DAY

Did you know that David Lynch was asked to direct Return of the Jedi?

SONG OF THE DAY : DJ Shadow - dj shadow's theme

I'm back. Hopefully, on a more regular basis. I've been busy, same shit different day it would seem. I've been studying far too much... Which is good... It's a far cry from my high school days. Exams are in a few weeks and I will be ready damn it!
The internet is not helping though.

I've been a spoiler hog for Star Wars Episode 3. I told people I would go into the movie fresh, without reading or seeing anything... But I pretty much know everything that happens, seen every picture that has been released and have watched every bit of footage available. It's quite sad actually. But such is my closet obsession with Star Wars. If you enjoy spoilers hop on over to Millenniumfalcon.com and spoil yourself to your hearts content. For me May 19th can't get here soon enough.

Here are the two new TV spots released today. Tragedy and Unleashed.

Last month I did a lot of inter-Canuckistan travel. Montreal, Quebec City, Vancouver... Hamilton. Admittedly the last one isn't that far away, but I got the most drunk there... Well Quebec City was close. Good times on all fronts. Still waiting for my dad to send me the Vancouver pictures. Here are a few from the trip to Francophone land.

Johnny's friend Jane and myself in Montreal.

Johnny and myself outside of the Ice Hotel, that place was crazy.

See Sin City. That is all.

And now for something completely different.

REVIEW
Kontroll
9/10 STARS

When one thinks of countries that produce good films, Hungary does not often come to mind. The surreal film Kontroll from first time director Nimrod Antal aims to change that perception. Kontroll centres on a rag-tag group of ticket inspectors (kontroll agents) who work under less than ideal conditions in the Budapest subway system. One of these inspectors, a downtrodden young man named Bulcsu (Sandor Csanyi) is homeless and spends 24 hours a day underground, living and working in the subway system. The job of kontroll agent is not an easy one, Bulcsu and his fellow inspectors have to put up with angry superiors, violent hooligans, clueless tourists and rival ticket inspection teams on a daily basis. Through a series of chance encounters, Bulcsu befriends a beautiful young woman Szofi (Eszter Balla), who for whatever reason always wears a giant bear suit while riding the subway. At night, Bulcsu wanders the tunnels and furthest depths of the underground, all the while he is plagued by an ever present shadowy figure, who may or may not be a figment of his imagination. The depression and confusion associated with working and living underground is beginning to take its toll on Bulcsu, he hasn't seen the light of day in months and begins to question the course his life has taken. Things take a turn for the worse after a series of deaths caused by a pusher, Bulcsu is the prime suspect. Immediately, Bulcsu begins to suspect that the shadowy figure who has been stalking him is behind the murders. Bulcs� now has a purpose in life, with the help of Szofi and his fellow kontroll agents he sets out to catch the shadow in the act, and in the process clear his name.

If only all first time directors could be as lucky as Nimrod Antal. Kontroll works so well, in so many ways. The story has a darker tone, but there is definitely a lot of laughs in this movie. The supporting cast is stellar, and work so well you'd swear they really were kontroll agents. As for the two lead characters Bulcsu and Szofi, Sandor Csanyi and Eszter Balla have an on screen chemistry that is very difficult to capture on film, but Antal gets it. Perhaps the strongest character in the film is the location. Shot on location in the Budapest subway system, the tunnels and stations have a life of their own. Antal seems to have found some of the most eerie and crazy underground locales ever put on film. The cinematography was amazing, it helped capture the dreary, vastness of the underground. Also, the soundtrack was very cool and it suits the tone of the film perfectly. One sequence of the film stood out in my mind, the rail run. Bulcsu and a rival inspector attempt to race one another on foot between two subway stations, this bit will have you on the edge of your seats.

My only real qualm with the film was that some of the more abstract elements were not explained as well as they could have been. Nimrod Antal said he did this on purpose to leave things open for interpretation, but sometimes I want a director to tell me what he's really trying to get at. Other than that some people may take issue with the fact that the movie is subtitled, but I don't think I would have liked the movie as much if the voices had been dubbed.

Kontroll is the kind of movie destined for cult status. The movie is dark, moody, serious and funny all at the same time. It is definitely not a movie for everybody. But if you're in the mood for something different this weekend check out Kontroll. You will be in store for a unique film experience, guaranteed.

- Will

My Trip To Montreal and Constantine Review

RoninKengo — Wed, 23 Feb 2005 02:50:00 -0500

QUOTE OF THE DAY : "When fortune empties her chamber pot on your head, smile and say We are going to have a summer shower." - Sir John A. Macdonald

SONG OF THE DAY : Broken Social Scene - Stars and Sons

LINK OF THE DAY : Maple Leafs win Stanley Cup by default!

The night has been unruly: where we lay,
Our chimneys were blown down; and, as they say,
Lamentings heard i' the air; strange screams of death,
And prophesying with accents terrible
Of dire combustion and confused events
New hatch'd to the woeful time: the obscure bird
Clamour'd the livelong night: some say, the earth
Was feverous and did shake.

He lives. Once more unto the breach dear friends, once more. I figured I would update el bloggo since it's been nearly a month. And a busy month it was. Stay tuned for a Constantine review. Also blogger.com is retarded! They limited the size of your description on the side bar. Thus it looks as it does.

Went to the 2005 Canadian International Auto Show on Thursday. Managed to score a media pass, so the place was deserted. We all had plenty of time and space to ogle some of the gorgeous vehicles present.

Spent the weekend up in Quebec. Toured around with a busload of fellow university students, and got about 6 hours of sleep the entire weekend. Montreal and Quebec City are so damn nice it's unbelievable. I love Toronto, but it certainly does not have the history of those beautiful cities. Plus my French came in handy so it was all good.

I was also amazed at the nightlife in Quebec City, on a Sunday no less. Those French Canadians know how to throw a party. If you're up there, make sure to check out Cheze Dagobert, very cool club.

Tomorrow I head out to British Columbia. Van City and Whistler for skiing. Good times will abound I'm sure. Anything makes up for the drudgery that is reading week. It is what they call it... bah.

I meant to post this review last Thursday, but since I was away this weekend I did not have the opportunity.

REVIEW
Constantine
6.5/10 STARS

John Constantine(Keanu Reeves) goes to Hell and back in Constantine.

First time movie director Francis Lawrence brings us Constantine. Keanu Reeves stars as the titular John Constantine, a supernatural private eye of sorts on a mission to rid the world of evil and save his soul from the powers of Hell. Based off of the DC/Vertigo comic book Hellblazer, Constantine is set in a world where the forces of Heaven and Hell battle for control of humanity. John Constantine and a select few are the only ones aware of this eternal struggle, and do what they can to keep things in balance. While investigating the mysterious death of her sister, a chance meeting between Detective Angela Dawson (Rachel Weisz) and Constantine starts a mysterious chain of events that threatens to tip the balance in Hell's favour. Stricken with lung cancer, and walking the thin line between good and evil, John Constantine must redeem himself in the eyes of Heaven, or spend an eternity in Hell.

I was very happy to see Keanu Reeves playing an anti-hero. Too often he plays the "Who? What? Why?" protagonist, always guessing and never quite knowing what he's doing. But in Constantine, the character has been around the block, he doesn't like what he does for a living, but he knows it has to be done. Reeves gave a very strong performance as John Constantine, a chain smoking, cancer ridden, loner who has a bone to pick with Lucifer. The bright spot of the movie has to be Rachel Weisz. She plays the newcomer to this strange, hidden battle of good versus evil, the audience is with her character every step of the way, never knowing what to expect next from this unique story.

I also liked Constantine for what it tried to be. A concept like this has a lot of potential, and there were many cool scenes... But it just never seemed to deliver. The movie just failed to convert on the many opportunities for coolness it was afforded by the comic book. The hidden underworld of Angels and Demons was under used, and Hell as a setting was over used, you barely even catch a glimpse of Heaven. The scenes in Hell were horrific at first, but it kept coming into play throughout the movie, After a while you just said to yourself, "Oh... We're back here again are we?." There are other sporadic problems with the movie. The dialogue is mumbling at times, and some of the scenes made little sense. Perhaps this was intentional, but I like to have some idea what is going on by the time the climax rolls around.

Constantine is an entertaining movie. You can't hold it against the movie for trying too hard. The things that work in the film work very well, and those that don't, fall flat but don't weigh too heavily on the rest of the movie. Fans of the comic book will have many qualms with the movie version, but given that John Constantine is not the most well known comic book character, it won't matter to most. The hardcore fans can rest easy knowing that nobody else really cares that Keanu Reeves isn't a wise cracking, blonde, haired Briton, as the character was portrayed in the comics. This isn't The English Patient, but the movie is good entertainment and a lot of fun.

Now I must be away. If I die, you know what to do... It involves dynamite and a lot of patience.

- Will