Merry Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan, and/or Festivus!

Doubt thou the stars are fire;
Doubt that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt I love.

Phew... Exams are over, thank goodness. Christmas break is upon us, and it is a good thing. Aside from having a cold, which I seem to get every year around this time, I have no complaints. I got a good haul of gifts for Christmas, and I gave a lot of gifts that were well received... Except for the book I got my Dad which he had already read. DOH! And the food hasn't been too bad either. Christmas dinner at the grandparents condo was awesome!

I like having time off from school. Weekday morning television; a phenomenon which I have been unaware of for the past several years, because I've either been at school or been soundly asleep, is pretty entertaining. The other day I watched 2 episodes of Maury Povich in a row! Jealous?!



On the topic of Maury Povich, it seems that he only has one topic for his show these days: Paternity Tests!

"My next guest has been on the show 9 times, and tested 20 different men, none of whom turned out to be the father."

Of course the poor woman comes on the show to test yet another man and the answer is always the same
"*INSERT NAME HERE*, You are NOT the father!"

Truly, very sad. But it's not like some of these women didn't have it coming. If you were so promiscuous that out of the 20 men you think you slept with in a few week period, none of them turn out to be the father... You really shouldn't have kids.

On the subject of illegitimate children and Christmas, I-Mockery.com presents :
More Than You Ever Wanted To Know About The Atrocity That Was THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL!


Chewbacca's horrifying father Lumpy.

Han Solo looks like he desperately wants to be elsewhere, Luke Skywalker looks like a teenage girl and Princess Leia sings at the end of the much maligned (and with good reason) holiday special. The first 15 minutes feature nothing but dialogue in Wookie between members of Chewbacca's family, and to make matters worse Bea Arthur shows up! BEA ARTHUR! Even the first appearance of everybody's favourite bounty hunter Boba Fett couldn't save this train wreck. I would say it's almost worth it just to say you've seen it... But there are some things you just can't UN-SEE! Read the article at I-Mockery and thank Buddha you don't have to watch it. Check it out here.

Back and to the right...

And on the subject of Star Wars... Someone put far too much time, thought and effort into this Greedo Assassination Theory website. Did Greedo shoot first or was Han just that damn good?

New Favourite Movie



The Third Man is an amazing 1949 film. Directed by Carol Reed and starring Orson Welles, the movie is a classic example of Film Noir. Set in post-war Vienna, the film finds American pulp writer Holly Martins(Joseph Cotten) fresh off the train looking for his friend Harry Lime, who has offered him a job. Martins soon discovers that his friend was recently killed in a mysterious car accident, and sets out to discover what really happened to his friend. In the end Martins discovers more than he ever wanted or should have known.

The Third Man is really just a top notch film, I can't recommend it enough.

I also decided to have a little fun in photoshop after watching this movie.

Photoshop Skills + Film Geekness + Borderline Narcissism = This picture.



Hey, you can't blame a guy for wishing he was in a classic film noir movie.
Photoshop is a hell of a tool, but I'm still no Orson Welles.

Stalin's Half-man, Half-ape Super-warriors


GIVE ME SUPER MONKEYS!

Soviet dictator Josef Stalin ordered the creation of Planet of the Apes-style warriors by crossing humans with apes, according to recently uncovered secret documents.

Moscow archives show that in the mid-1920s Russia's top animal breeding scientist, Ilya Ivanov, was ordered to turn his skills from horse and animal work to the quest for a super-warrior.

I'm really not surprised about anything concerning the former USSR that I hear coming out of Russia these days... Oh those crazy Commies, gotta love 'em.
Read the full article here.

Now I want a half-man, half-ape super warrior! Stupid ethics.

Crazy cool music video.



The artist, Jason Forrest has a very unique sound. Don't really know what genre it would be considered. I've never heard this guy before, but the music video is very cool. Basically, it's a bunch of animated Vikings having a musical battle with Furry Monster types involving ships and giant robots. Words really cannot do it justice, so check it out the video for War Photographer.

The Ultimate Showdown



This is an incredible flash movie detailing a battle of epic proportions. Pitting Optimus Prime, Batman, Godzilla, The Power Rangers, Darth Vader, Gandalf, Captain Kirk, Mister Rogers, Chuck Norris and many, many more against one another in a battle for ultimate power. Awesome!

Check out The Ultimate Showdown!

Good tidings to you and your kin.

- Will

A Tear For Spock and Kong

Oft have I heard that grief softens the mind,
And makes it fearful and degenerate;
Think therefore on revenge and cease to weep.



I just got back from seeing Peter Jackson's King Kong. I still haven't seen the original, but I was damn impressed by the movie. It was so well put together... acting, directing, writing, CGI - All great. I loved it, but it's a very sad movie. I will admit I shed a few tears at the end. A rarity for me, not since Spock's death in The Wrath of Khan has that happened. I highly recommend King Kong--It is what great film making is all about. Nicely done Peter Jackson.

Top Ten Most Memorable Moments in Comic Book Villainy.


"This is even more painful than it looks!"

To cap off IGN's Villain Month they have compiled a list of the most deliciously evil events in comic book history. From Bane breaking Batman's back, to Magneto ripping the adamantium out of Wolverine they've covered all the major evil acts. But where is Aquaman's entry? Surely introducing that character in the first place should count as the single most evil act in the history of comics. God damn Aquaman!
Worst. Superhero. Ever. Check out the full list here.

What the hell does IGN stand for anyways?

And from the "Not Meant For Mortal Eyes" files comes this image.



I don't know what the hell is going on in this picture, but it is most definitely wrong on many levels. I'm pretty sure Goldie Hawn is melting. Meg Ryan is also looking more plastic by the day. Here we have a lesson in Hollywood attitudes. Goldie Hawn chose to age gracefully, and ended up looking like the Gestapo guy melting at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Meg Ryan on the other hand is going the Joan Rivers route, soon the unrecognizable piece of flesh, bone and muscle she calls a face will be yelling at celebrities on the red carpet. Watch out Joan!

Daniel Radcliffe is SO busted!


For the love of god Daniel she's only 15!

Though I suppose he's about 15 years old as well, so it's not odd behaviour. However, young Mr. Potter is going to have take his attention away from Hermoine's chest long enough to learn a few things.
When it comes to cleavage, Jerry Seinfeld said it best,
"Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun -- ya don't stare at it!"
Oh those hormone fueled teenagers, when will they learn?

Pachelbel's Canon in ROCK!



Everyone loves a long over-blown guitar solo. Jimmy Page in Stairway to Heaven. Eric Clapton in Crossroads. Jimi Hendrix! However, these gentlemen only covered rock and roll tunes, they steered clear of classical.

Jerry L is different.

He rocks out to Johann Pachelbel's 17th century classic Canon in D. If you know the tune you're in for a treat, and if you don't you'll probably recognize it anyways.

Take it away JerryL! Canon Rock.

Finally for all you social alcoholic Family Guy fans out there here's a fun little drinking game you can play this Holiday Season!
Family Guy Drinking Game.

So from me and The Juice have a safe and Happy Holiday Season!


At least he's not holding a giant carving knife.

May your pint glass overflow with beer.

- Will

Reginald VelJohnson is Gay?!

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.

Every generation has movies which they consider their own. As a child of the 1980's there are a select few films that defined my childhood. Ghostbusters, Transformers : The Movie, Labyrinth, Star Wars, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Goonies, The Neverending Story, etc. One of these definitive 80's films was probably the most influential movie for future gamers: The Wizard.



For those of you unfamiliar with The Wizard you don't know what you're missing! It is widely considered to be nothing more than a 90 minute commercial for Nintendo... However would Fred "Wonder Years/The Mole" Savage star in a commercial?! NEVER!

Basically, Fred Savage and his disabled, video game savant brother and some girl run away from home to compete in the Video Game World Championship. Only the evil Lucas Bartow with his amazing POWERGLOVE stand in their way! Let me tell you folks... NOT IF FRED SAVAGE HAS ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT!



Check out this ridiculous clip in which Lucas Bartow demonstrates his POWERGLOVE skills.

And from the "You Can't Make This Shit Up Files" come these pictures and story.

JIM CARREY RUN OVER BY STEPHEN HAWKING



From ContactMusic:

Actor Jim Carrey was left howling in agony after genius Stephen Hawking reversed over his foot with his wheelchair.

The unlikely pair made friends when they appeared together on an American talk show, and Carrey visited Hawking in Cambridge, Britain, recently. The highly-paid star joined the physics prodigy and some friends and colleagues for a stimulating dinner.

Later that evening, as they chatted on the patio, Hawking, 61 - who suffers from motor neuron disease - ran over Carrey's foot.

The professor's secretary Karen Sime says, "We've all had our feet run over by the professor. You quickly learn to jump out the way!"

I can honestly say I never thought I would write a sentence involving Jim Carrey and Stephen Hawking. You live and learn.

Mysteries under Moscow.



I watched a very interesting Russian documentary this afternoon about the mysterious underground of Moscow. A labyrinthine collection of tunnels, sub-basements, bunkers and sewers that a team of Muscovites recently started exploring and mapping. Home to hobos, criminals, dissidents and impoverished people the Moscow underground has an incredible history to tell about a very historic city.

What is hidden under Moscow?

This question has intrigued Vadim Mikhailov since he was a child in the early 1970s, when his father, who drove a train in the Moscow subway, first gave him a ride in the driver's cabin and showed him the network of Metro tunnels beneath the Russian capital. By the time he was 12, Mikhailov and his friends had begun making increasingly ambitious journeys beneath the city.

Discoveries began with the first expeditions. Through manholes and building basements the boys wriggled into labyrinths under the Russian capital. First, they explored the bomb shelters under Leningradsky Prospekt, then they came across an Academy of Oceanology warehouse. "Imagine walking along endless corridors," recalls Mikhailov, "something dripping from the ceiling, the uneven light of torches. And all of sudden you find yourself in a room full of tanks of formalin, containing various sea monsters."

They soon went deeper underground. According to Mikhailov there are about six levels under Moscow, and in some places as many as 12, including old sewer systems, fountain foundations, and sloping drainage tunnels entangled in the depths.

As they grew up, the explorers took their investigations more seriously, drawing maps of their routes, studying history books, and talking to elderly Muscovites about past uses of the underground. Their explorations of deserted shafts and water mains built during the reign of Catherine the Great in the eighteenth century sparked a greater interest and enthusiasm for further expeditions.

"Ten to 15 years later we realized that we had investigated the entire level closest to the surface, comprising municipal public service tunnels. It was time to go down to deeper floors," recounts Mikhailov. In 1990, the underworld travelers formed a group called "Diggers of the Underground Planet," whose aim was to study the historical, ecological, and social aspects of the Moscow underground.

Check out the entire article over at The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists

I will try to upload the documentary at some point. Incredibly interesting and creepy.

Da svi`daniya

- Will

Random News and Hilarity : Because It Beats Studying for Exams

By heaven, methinks it were an easy leap
To pluck bright honour from the pale-faced moon,
Or dive into the bottom of the deep,
Where fathom-line could never touch the ground,
And pluck up drowned honour by the locks.

I figured I would lighten the tone of this post, seeing how my last post was a dry, witless analysis of a political campaign. God forbid I actually incite intelligent discussion of the issues. Plus I have better things to do, but I don't want to do them. My exams start up next week, but I'd rather do this than read about the rise and fall of Communism in Russia. And we're off.

Newsflash : Geeks want to play Star Trek Online RPG!


Look Daddy! A virgin!

A recent market study by Nielson Media Research found that 69% of Massively Multiplayer Online Role Players surveyed would be interested in playing the Star Trek MMORPG currently in development. The study also found that 59% of Star Trek fans surveyed also showed interest in playing the game. Now I enjoy Star Trek as much as the next man... I'm not a fanatic, but I do have more interest in the series than the casual fan. That being said, I also would potentially like to try this game. I just don't know if a game like this is a good idea though. I mean do we want to add MMORPG addiction to the already myriad social dysfunctions hardcore Trekkies already suffer from? Just my two cents, but don't say I didn't warn you people when poopsocking reaches epidemic levels. Check out the full aforementioned survey here.

And on the topic of RPG's those wacky Japanese gentlemen over at Square Enix have some wonderful news for us all. They have unveiled a clever drink tie-in to coincide with the release of Final Fantasy XII in March 2006 -- Potion. An energy drink.


If it worked for Sabin and Cloud, it will work for me.

"The drink supposedly makes you relaxed like herb tea and tastes mystical. It contains nutritional supplements so that the company can claim that the drinker might recover real life hit points." - Gamebrink.com

I'm interested to see what exactly "mystical" tastes like, in any event it probably will not be available in North America. I guess I'll just have to settle for Pepsi brand Antidote.

Over at The Log of the Gamer, I discuss the Brutal Side of 8-Bit Gaming. Video game violence is not a new phenomenon, it's just more realistic now.

And now news from the real world.

In Soviet Russia Squirrels Eat You!



Anyone who has lived in Ontario knows that black squirrels are a menace to society. Anyone visiting Ontario is always shocked by the tremendous size of these terrible creatures. However, Ontario black squirrels are apparently quite tame in comparison to their Russian brothers. Last week in Eastern Russia, a pack of squirrels attacked a stray dog that had been barking at them, and subsequently bit the poor thing to death. First of all, a PACK of squirrels? Russia must be an even crazier place than I was led to believe. I mean, first Boris Yeltsin and now this?! What a country!
The BBC has the story well covered over on their website. Remind me never to bark at squirrels if I'm ever visiting Russia.

'Lost' Girls are DUI!



Two stars of my current favourite show LOST were arrested for Driving Under the Influence. Michelle Rodriguez and Cythia Watros were arrested in two separate DUI incidents on the same night. I guess they had beer in the tail section of the plane.
The Smoking Gun is there!

And now for some movie news.

Everybody's favourite hapless, hack of a director Dr. Uwe Boll is back at it again. This time he's ruining a perfectly good video game(Dungeon Siege) by adapting it into a blatant Lord of the Rings rip off. In the Name of the King : A Dungeon Siege Tale stars Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Burt Reynolds, John Rhys-Davies, Lee Sobieski and last and certainly least the stunning thespian talents of Matthew Lillard in his first non-Freddie Prinze Jr. movie role.



Now if the poster doesn't convince you that this is going to be one of the worst movies ever made, perhaps this stunningly awful trailer will. Dr. Boll has been kind enough to split his masterpiece into two 100 minute parts! The sad thing is, Boll is using the same fight choreographer that did Hero and House of Flying daggers, plus he has an incredible physical performer like Jason Statham... And the movie still somehow manages to look like shit. I would like to wait and see, to give this movie a chance... But given good Uwe's track record : House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, Bloodrayne, I'm not getting my hopes up.


No Uwe... Thumbs down.

And that as we say is that.

- Will