QUOTE OF THE DAY : "I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor." - Jon Stewart

SONG OF THE DAY : Handsome Boy Modeling School - A Day In The Life

LINK OF THE DAY : Funny Episode 3 Spoof

I have no words:
My voice is in my sword: thou bloodier villain
Than terms can give thee out!


Tara Reid plays a brilliant scientist... ?

It's that time again. Director Uwe Boll has brought us yet another cinematic gem.
Alone in the Dark

Based very, very... very loosely on the PC Game of the same name Mr. Boll has once again one-upped himself with his latest film. Yes, that's right the man who gave us House of the Dead actually has some "stars" to work with this go 'round.

Hollywood power players Christian Slater and Tara Reid star in what is sure to be an early Oscar contender for next year. I'm too lazy to sum up the plot, so many thanks to the person that wasted their time over at www.imdb.com. It sounds like an incredible film.

Edward Carnby (Slater), detective of the paranormal, unexplained and supernatural, investigates a mystery (the recent death of a friend) with clues leading to "Shadow Island" that brings him face to face with bizarre horrors that prove both psychologically disturbing and lethal, as he discovers that evil demons worshiped by an ancient culture called the Abskani are planning on coming back to life in the 21st century to once again take over the world... And only he and a young genius anthropologist with an incredible memory (and his ex-girlfriend), Aline Cedrac (Reid), stand in their way, at a gateway to hell. Standing in Carnby's way, however, is the impact that a brief encounter with an evil spirit called the Queen had upon his mind, as he slowly finds himself overpowered by the forces of darkness as they eat away at his very sanity...

That's right, Tara Reid is a genius anthropologist with an incredible memory. I honestly never thought I would read or write such an oxymoronic sentence... But here we are people.

Now I could write entire tomes about how shitty and ridiculous Uwe Boll's movies are. But that would be like punching a blind guy with no arms. His movies speak volumes of his ability as a film maker. How he ever got a start in the industry is a mystery that may never be answered.

So weekend movie viewers I have a request of you. I implore you, for your own good DO NOT SEE ALONE IN THE DARK. Any kind of financial success will only embolden Mr. Boll further, resulting in him making more "quality" films. If you value your brain cells, good taste and/or eyes... Don't pay to see this film. You've been warned, any damages caused to you by this movie, physical or mental are not my fault. The blame will lay firmly in Mr. Boll's hands.

I won't be seeing this movie, not now, not ever. I beseech you, do yourself a favour and avoid this movie at all costs.

I leave you now with the trailer for Uwe Boll's next exciting video game adaptation : Blood Rayne. Good God! What happened to you Ben Kingsley... I thought you were cool.

Shuddering uncontrollably
- Will

QUOTE OF THE DAY : "I have never advocated war except as a means of peace." - Ulysses S. Grant

SONG OF THE DAY : Nirvana - Heart-Shaped Box

LINK OF THE DAY : Good riddance you bow-tie wearing prick!

Thou hadst been better have been born a dog
Than answer my waked wrath!

Hotel Rwanda
9.5/10 STARS


Don Cheadle is Paul Rusesabagina, hotel manager and hero.

Director Terry George brings the brutality of the oft forgotten Rwandan Genocide to the screen in Hotel Rwanda. The film is the very personal story of a man and his family, set against the horrors of an ethnic civil war. Don Cheadle gives a stunning performance as Paul Rusesabagina. Paul is manager of the Hotel Des Milles Collines in Kigali, the capital of Rwanda at the outset of the genocide. With the country descending into chaos, Paul must use his position of authority to safe guard his family and protect the hundreds of refugees now occupying the hotel. The United Nations peace keeping force in Rwanda, lead by Colonel Oliver (Nick Nolte) do what they can to help Rusesabagina. Colonel Oliver's hands are tied though, limited by resources, man power, and mired in UN bureaucracy the peace keeping force can do little more than watch the unfolding humanitarian crisis. As the world turns it's back on Rwanda, Paul must act quickly and pull in every favour he has if he and his family are to survive the coming genocide.

The story of Hotel Rwanda had to be told sooner or later. The world literally turned a blind eye to the Rwandan Genocide in 1994 that saw the slaughter of nearly one million people at the hands of machete wielding gangs. Director Terry George gives a documentary feel to the movie, and without it the film may not have worked as well. As for the actors, I really can't speak highly enough of Don Cheadle's performance in this film, he was amazingly believable and should look forward to an Oscar nomination. Nick Nolte's performance varied throughout the movie. His wheezing, muttering performance may have been what the director was looking for or it could have just been Nick Nolte being himself. Surprisingly the film is not as outwardly violent as one would expect in a movie about a genocide. There are a few violent parts, but much of the horror of the genocide is merely alluded to. Hotel Rwanda is able to tell the horrific story of the genocide without getting into gruesome detail.

The movie takes some liberties with names, chronology and events, but in order for the film to work these are necessary changes. Nolte's Colonel Oliver is basically an amalgam of all the top UN military personnel, whereas Cheadle's character is a real person. These minor details won't concern anyone who isn't already familiar with Rwandan Genocide. The personal survival stories like this are incredible, but I would have liked to have seen more of the UN peacekeepers angle on the tragedy. Joaquin Phoenix is in the movie too... For about 5 minutes. His role as a generic news agency cameraman feels almost pointless, like they had to add another big name to add to the marketability of the film.

Hotel Rwanda is one of this year's best movies. It's by no means the feel good movie of the year, but it's very powerful film. Don Cheadle gives the performance of his career and shows what an underrated actor he really is, Hollywood take notice. The world ignored Rwanda in 1994, it's time to pay attention and hear their story. See this movie.